The effects of airing your laundry (aka blogging)

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I recently wrote a post about spanking because I’ve been thinking about discipline lately.  Zoe is getting older; so naturally, I recalled the previous conversations my husband and I had about spanking.

Of course, I wish we agreed; but I don’t feel like we’re on different pages.  We both love our daughter, and want the best for her.  I know it will all work out – and she will grow up to be more than okay.

Furthermore, I know it’s a controversial topic; I like creating discussion, so I can learn from others, and stretch my beliefs.

A guest blogger for the first time

When I was asked by another blog to use the spanking post as a guest piece, I was excited…and nervous.  It’s a little different when posting for people I don’t know.  My blog is public, but since it’s new – it’s not like I have a ton of strangers reading it right now.

I don’t have very thick skin.  I take what people say to heart.  I probably need to toughen up if I’m going to be putting myself out there.  But it was hard to read some of the comments without getting defensive.  Even though I agree with most of the readers of the other blog who are against spanking, I didn’t always like the way they came across.  At times, I felt protective of my family.  Many people are passionate about the issue of spanking.

In fact, I had no idea that many countries in Europe have banned spanking.  I wish that would happen here, but it would take a long time to change the way we think in America.  We don’t like to be told what to do – especially about how to raise our family.  And spanking is deeply engrained in many of the families and churches here.

One woman commented that she felt for me because she’s so against spanking, and could never compromise on the issue.  Almost like she felt sorry for me that my husband and I disagree.  I responded to her so that she would know there is nothing to worry about.  I love and respect my husband – and I don’t blame him for wanting to raise our daughter the way he was raised.

For all the world to see

Again – I don’t have thick skin.  Though, isn’t that a good thing?  It means I care about people, and what they have to say.  It means I let people in – to affect me.  I wouldn’t want to be hardened.  Not yet anyway…

Although I’m new at this blogging stuff, I’ve always been an open book.  I don’t believe in keeping secrets.  I say – air your laundry so it will smell better.  And as they say in Alcoholics Anonymous – you’re only as sick as your secrets.

But how far do you take it?  How much do you let the world know about you?

I’ve figured it out, and my husband agrees – I will share as much as I can without intentionally harming anyone, including myself.  I always check with Zubair before I divulge anything personal.

Reading the comments and many perspectives, while evoking emotions, makes me think.  And challenges me.  It’s not always comfortable.  But it’s healthy, and necessary to grow as a human being.  Furthermore, I have received many inspiring comments thanking me for being so honest.  Those kind words give me the courage and motivation to keep going.

So I guess I just need to grow an extra layer of skin.

5 Comments

  1. Pingback: To spank or not to spank? | New Mom, New City

  2. Hi Jennifer,

    I enjoyed both of your blogs and loved hearing some good old Yankee honesty. I miss it down here in the deep south:) I just wanted to add my own experience as a comment for you and others to think on:) Our two kids are 4 years apart, opposite sex, and quite different temperaments. By the time our first child reached 3, my husband and I had a definite opinion on the subject of spanking. We thought it was well thought out and that it pretty much applied to every one…every child and every parent. By the time out youngest child was not even 12 months old we had to reverse some of our opinions, and by the time she was 3 we were thoroughly humbled!! Now we believe that “one size doesn’t fit all” and that applies to all things about kids because they are all different and change, change, change as they grow!!
    Just think how much more humble I would be if I had 6 kids!! 🙂

    • Hi Diane – thanks so much for your comment. It’s funny how we make up our mind about something, and then it goes out the window when real life hits. Thanks for telling your story – it’s always nice to hear from those that have gone before. I look forward to being humbled by parenting on a regular basis…

  3. Hi jen, I just wanted to say I really respect you for talking to zubair before you “divulge in anything personal.” It shows you respect him as your husband, and friend, and it was nice to read. Also, I liked how you wrote that reading various comments and perspectives, makes you think, and challenges you. I totally agree. Life is such a growing process, of refining who we are, and what we believe. The bottom line, hearing others perspectives, will either help us solidify what we already believe, or cause us to search further. Either way hopefully will make us a stronger person.

    • Hi Grace – Thanks! I am sensitive about what I write when it comes to my husband, and our relationship. I wouldn’t want to compromise our trust and communication.

      And yes, it’s so great to hear what others have to say – even if I don’t agree… it does challenge me. And you’re right – either it confirms what I believe or molds it in a new way!

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